Doorknob Monday 3/28/2011


17 thoughts on “Doorknob Monday 3/28/2011

      • Oh, was I supposed to leave a comment about the doorknob picture? I’m sorry. I left a comment about some mail I got from your son.

    • I continued my tradition of sending one of our school magazine-drive slips to M—–l. Every year, the kids receive a booklet of 11 slips and are promised a prize if they fill out all 11 with the names and addresses of friends and family who might like to buy a magazine. Even though the prize is always beyond cheap, the kids can’t bear the thought of not getting it. (This year it was a “giant balloon”–or, to be more specific, a 6-foot-long sleeve of HDPE grocery-bag film that can be made to confine some air temporarily if you tie a knot at each end.) So if you have two kids, that’s 22 addresses to come up with. And our family is not large. So every year, it becomes an exercise in creative duplicity (in both senses of the word). The kids send cards to us… to each other… to infant second cousins… to all four grandparents… to their grandparents’ pets and fictitious human kin… and to a few of our friends who will enjoy the jokes I add to their cards. One year I exhorted M—–l to renew his subscription to “Grit”… this year, I addressed his card to M—–l “Mick” [lastname].

      • “Mick” sounds like what a Hollywood agent would call M—–l. “Mick? Mick, baby, it’s me, Sid! Listen, loved your screenplay! Loved it! But Mick. Now listen. You know I love your work. But this Babo character? I’m just not feeling it, Mick.”

        • I actually ripped the envelope in half and tossed it in the junk pile before realizing that the first name and last initial of the sender seemed familiar. I pulled it out of the pile and still have it. Am I supposed to buy a magazine now? What should I get?

          • Please do not feel obligated in the least. I really just wanted to make you laugh. Of course, if you need to update your bathroom library or are planning to open a dental practice, you could visit the website and order a high-frequency, ad-packed cheapie such as Newsweek or Sports Illustrated. Maybe you are planning to buy lots of major appliances and consumer or “pro-sumer” electronics in the coming year, and you could use a digital subscription to Or perhaps you’d like to “gift” a cranky, xenophobic neighbor with Jet or People En Espanol. You can get any of those, and more, at and enjoy the knowledge that 40% of your purchase will directly benefit some schoolkids. But don’t do it unless there’s something you genuinely want or need. We got our 12 feet of Shrek-festooned plastic… and gave you several moments of befuddlement and some laughs.

  1. Hmm…. I understand why you’d want a handle instead of a doorknob on a restroom door for the disabled: but this reminds me of my father, who after realizing he’s bought the wrong piece of hardware at Home Depot, will stick it on anyway. We have a couple of drawers with multiple knobs and pulls. I’ve wanted to take one pull off to make the drawer look normal. But then, it seems to match our way of life here….

  2. I figure the door is evolving – pretty soon they’ll have a hundred handles giving the illusion that you can avoid touching the same one as the person who didn’t wash their hands.

  3. I noticed the doorknob, but then noticed I could get either bacon or sausage for $5.10 and that it includes a drink.

Comments are closed.